So this the part of the blog where I share my worst cinematic experiences of 2009. Some seemed amazing at first... but like a blind date you have no idea what you are in for until the main course arrives. So where do we begin?
1.Dragonball Evolution
After almost 20 years since the cancellation of the infamous series and approximately 8 years since its revival Director James Wong with the assistance of screenwriters Ben Ramsey and Akira Toriyama made a flop. Wong is known for directing "rivetting" thrillers such as Final Destination 3 and a couple episodes of Millenium. As some of you Dragonball fans may remember, the story begins with a Young Saijan named Cacarot who lands on planet earth. A somewhat similar story to Superman. Goku with the assistance of his new found friends in Bulma and an old dude played by Chow Yung Fat has to collect 7 magical orbs and defeat King Piccolo, a really evil bloke in the process.
Naturally this movie was a freight train headed straight toward an incomplete tunnel... an absolute disaster to say the least. I wouldn't even recommend this movie to people with down syndrome. The movie lacked structure, the CGI non-authentic and the cast barely moved me. I am eager for a potential reboot.. If not, perhaps a conclusion with an impressive actor taking the role of Vegeta (Vin diesel anyone?)
2.All about Steve
Starring funny man, Bradley Cooper and comeback queen, Sandra Bullock this movie seemed like it was bound for success. This feeling basically lasted shortly after the opening credits. Sandra stars as Mary Horowitz, a crossword puzzle manufacturer (for the lack of a better title) who falls for a news reporter after a very brief blind date. I first encountered this movie whilst on a flight back to Cape Town, a flight in which I failed to fall asleep... not after I watched the beginning of "All about Steve"
3. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li
Believe it or not, this piece of garbage was supposed to be a prequel of the 1994 movie Street Fighter. The story follows Chun Li, an aspiring musician who all of a sudden develops this hidden martial arts abilities shortly after her mother died of cancer. She ends up fighting and killing M.Bison who was white all of a sudden... then again Raul Julia, was hispanic. The movie lacked focus, an entertaining cast and most importanltly, who gives a flying f$%k about Chun Li. We want to see Ryu and Ken, not Chun "F#$^n" Li. Chun Li was the chick you needed to beat before encountering Dhalsim, not neccessarily beating Dhalsim with Chun Li. The only positive is that it contained Kristin Kreuk, famous for her role as Lana Lang, the love interest of Clark Kent in Smallville.
4. Dance Flick
Another Wayans brothers movie and disastrous attempt in trying to make people laugh. Remember, the resume of this acting duo includes "White Chicks", some of the Scary movies and "Little man". Seriously, watch this if you want to have a mild heart attack... or just really want an easy way out of a really miserable situation.
5. The Final Destination
Same story line, same amount of violence, gore and vile displays of accidental deaths. Different cast though. Only watch it if.... well, I am struggling to come up with a reason.
6. Spread
I can't believe I spent R50 to watch this kak. Ashton Kutcher may as well called this a biography... as he was being himself without punking anyone. He plays a young man who lives of hot, wealthy cougars. Every 16 year old boys fantasy I guess. Watch it if you really want to see Anne Heche naked..... Ellen Degeneres, we salute you!!
7. The Ugly Truth
Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler, an odd couple. Perhaps that was great pairing considering that the movie was about opposites being attracted and all that stuff. This was by no means a "When Harry met Sally" imitation.. more like when Harry got Sally in the restroom. This movie may as well been raunchy, as the plot basically revolved around Katherine not being able to get laid and Gerard Butler willing to fulfill that role. Butler should stick to what he does best and lead a troop of 300 Spartans and get sodimised by a bunch of Persians.
8. Law abiding Citizen
Guy opens front door. Killers enter front door. Killers close front door. Killers murder guys wife and kids. Killer partially wounds guy. Guess what.. Guy seeks revenge!! On a sadder note, guy happens to be none other than Gerard Butler!! I fell asleep in this movie.
9. I love you Beth Cooper
Teen sex comedy taken way too far. Only if you are a die hard fan of Hayden Pantierre.
10. Knowing
A sheet from a time capsule is recovered. Contains various codes which translates to the end of the world. Nicolas Cage is the hero. Enough said.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Top 10 worst movies of 2009
So this the part of the blog where I share my worst cinematic experiences of 2009. Some seemed amazing at first... but like a blind date you have no idea what you are in for until the main course arrives. So where do we begin?
1.Dragonball Evolution
After almost 20 years since the cancellation of the infamous series and approximately 8 years since its revival Director James Wong with the assistance of screenwriters Ben Ramsey and Akira Toriyama made a flop. Wong is known for directing "rivetting" thrillers such as Final Destination 3 and a couple episodes of Millenium. As some of you Dragonball fans may remember, the story begins with a Young Saijan named Cacarot who lands on planet earth. A somewhat similar story to Superman. Goku with the assistance of his new found friends in Bulma and an old dude played by Chow Yung Fat has to collect 7 magical orbs and defeat King Piccolo, a really evil bloke in the process.
Naturally this movie was a freight train headed straight toward an incomplete tunnel... an absolute disaster to say the least. I wouldn't even recommend this movie to people with down syndrome. The movie lacked structure, the CGI non-authentic and the cast barely moved me. I am eager for a potential reboot.. If not, perhaps a conclusion with an impressive actor taking the role of Vegeta (Vin diesel anyone?)
2.All about Steve
Starring funny man, Bradley Cooper and comeback queen, Sandra Bullock this movie seemed like it was bound for success. This feeling basically lasted shortly after the opening credits. Sandra stars as Mary Horowitz, a crossword puzzle manufacturer (for the lack of a better title) who falls for a news reporter after a very brief blind date. I first encountered this movie whilst on a flight back to Cape Town, a flight in which I failed to fall asleep... not after I watched the beginning of "All about Steve"
3. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li
Believe it or not, this piece of garbage was supposed to be a prequel of the 1994 movie Street Fighter. The story follows Chun Li, an aspiring musician who all of a sudden develops this hidden martial arts abilities shortly after her mother died of cancer. She ends up fighting and killing M.Bison who was white all of a sudden... then again Raul Julia, was hispanic. The movie lacked focus, an entertaining cast and most importanltly, who gives a flying f$%k about Chun Li. We want to see Ryu and Ken, not Chun "F#$^n" Li. Chun Li was the chick you needed to beat before encountering Dhalsim, not neccessarily beating Dhalsim with Chun Li. The only positive is that it contained Kristin Kreuk, famous for her role as Lana Lang, the love interest of Clark Kent in Smallville.
4. Dance Flick
Another Wayans brothers movie and disastrous attempt in trying to make people laugh. Remember, the resume of this acting duo includes "White Chicks", some of the Scary movies and "Little man". Seriously, watch this if you want to have a mild heart attack... or just really want an easy way out of a really miserable situation.
5. The Final Destination
Same story line, same amount of violence, gore and vile displays of accidental deaths. Different cast though. Only watch it if.... well, I am struggling to come up with a reason.
6. Spread
I can't believe I spent R50 to watch this kak. Ashton Kutcher may as well called this a biography... as he was being himself without punking anyone. He plays a young man who lives of hot, wealthy cougars. Every 16 year old boys fantasy I guess. Watch it if you really want to see Anne Heche naked..... Ellen Degeneres, we salute you!!
7. The Ugly Truth
Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler, an odd couple. Perhaps that was great pairing considering that the movie was about opposites being attracted and all that stuff. This was by no means a "When Harry met Sally" imitation.. more like when Harry got Sally in the restroom. This movie may as well been raunchy, as the plot basically revolved around Katherine not being able to get laid and Gerard Butler willing to fulfill that role. Butler should stick to what he does best and lead a troop of 300 Spartans and get sodimised by a bunch of Persians.
8. Law abiding Citizen
Guy opens front door. Killers enter front door. Killers close front door. Killers murder guys wife and kids. Killer partially wounds guy. Guess what.. Guy seeks revenge!! On a sadder note, guy happens to be none other than Gerard Butler!! I fell asleep in this movie.
9. I love you Beth Cooper
Teen sex comedy taken way too far. Only if you are a die hard fan of Hayden Pantierre.
10. Knowing
A sheet from a time capsule is recovered. Contains various codes which translates to the end of the world. Nicolas Cage is the hero. Enough said.
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You must be smoking crack... Law Abiding Citizen was awesome. Or maybe you couldn't appreciate the art behind the lighting, cinematography and production :)
ReplyDeleteYou must have a hydroponic lab growing under your apartment to think that movie was art. Granted a vendetta movie is always going to be a man's "must see". However, the plot was way too basic. And what was the point of Jamie Foxx being there? His role may as well been given to Rob Schneider as his part of the movie seemed insignificant.
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